Sometimes I think of Crazy What Ifs Like These…

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#WhatIfs

What if you had super powers for 15 seconds at a time… but could only use them once every 6 hours…

Sometimes on long car rides I like to annoy my wife by asking her all these really farfetched ‘what if’s’ — usually until she caves and actually humors me.. She tells me I have little brother syndrome. So what if I do!

Here we go…

Walk On Hands

What if…

People had hands for feet… and you had to wear ankle wrist braces when you played basketball. Would gloves have air bubbles? Would Isotoners x Adidas team up with Yeezy for some dope “Stronger” inspired ‘glovies’ with boost technology built in? In my imaginary world where gas peddles look like gear shifts, yes.

 

 

Drink Gasoline

What if…

Gasoline was edible drinkable but had all the effects of hard liquor and was sold in bars where you got carded to pump? Would our sewage treatment plants double as gas stations? Think about it…

Would you have to be 21 to “pump and dump” or get “gassed and smashed”?

Would “passing gas” (double entendre in this case) be considered illegal in public places? Would you and your car get booked for driving under the influence? Deep.

 

 

Heckler

What if…

People didn’t get angry when they were provoked but instead laughed hysterically as a reflex.. Would that turn comedians into hecklers and hecklers into joke-telling nuisances?

 

 

Thinking

What if…

By merely thinking of something, you negated it’s ability to occur.. Like fate was a childish pre-teen.

Remember when your mom asked you to clean your room, right before you’d yourself decided that every corner most certainly looked like a literal crapstack… and the fact she was yelling for you to clean it from the kitchen made it a guarantee that you would NEVER clean it…

So basically, you’d think of something and it would be guaranteed to never happen. You’d think of  being broke instead of wealthy but then out of mental reflex you’d imagine yourself swimming in piles of money Scrooge McDuck style.

You’d basically guarantee neither happened. You’d be adequately paid for the rest of your life. Hell.

 

 

House

What if…

People where paid not according to skill, or personality, or nepotism, or, heck, any arbitrary thing that determines a person’s salary – but instead they were paid according to their personality.

I can think of a FEW people who would be blacklisted for employment for their poop attitudes. Bad personalities would be frowned upon like alcoholism and people would have Myers–Briggs results on their resumes.

 

 

Cash

What if…

Someone approached you with $100,000… straight cash… BUT you could ONLY use it in that next 2 minutes that you had it and it could not be deposited into a bank. Basically after 2 minutes were up it would vanish, forever.

What would you do with it? Who could you trust to help you spend it and who would believe you when you called them and told them you had 100k to spend like “RIGHT NOW DUDE! I GOT RACKS!!! I’M RICH SON!”

But you realize they ain’t quite following you and are really wondering what you’re smoking.. “I HAVE TO SPEND IT IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES OR IT’S GONE…”

They tell you to “chill” and to stop “tripping” but they don’t know what your pockets looking like.  So you say “FORGET IT, I’M GOING TO WALLY WORLD AND I’M BUYING – EVERYTHING!”

Admit it, you’d try to go to Walmart and spend it. I know you would. Good lucking running them aisles in the remaining 50 seconds you have…

 

 

Flying

What if…

You could fly for 10 seconds at a time… STUPID HIGH – kinda like this guy here. The only caveat being that you would immediately fall when your 10 seconds were up… with a cooldown that had you wait 60 seconds to regain the ability.

Would you risk it at all? Or – would you build fancy glider wings and coast for sixty seconds when it wore off. Duh, of course you would. Because you’re smart like me…

 

 

In Time

What if you knew you would die in the next few days of a debilitating illness of which there was no cure BUT you could continue to live if you found the one guy who could cure you. The only clue you received for finding him was that you had to locate a man who was “looking for you.”

Would you frantically search for him? Would you trust that he would find you? Or would you die like a chump, chump.

 To be continued…

Got any what ifs of your own?

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