Is it Weird that I Sometimes Think of Crazy What Ifs?


You ever have think about crazy what ifs like, what if you had super powers for 15 seconds at a time… but could only use them once every 6 hours…

Sometimes on long car rides I like to annoy my wife by asking her all these really farfetched ‘what if’s’ — usually until she caves and actually humors me.. She tells me I have little brother syndrome.

Here we go…

Walk On Hands

What if…

People had hands for feet… and you had to wear ankle wrist braces when you played basketball. Would gloves have air bubbles? Would Isotoners x Adidas team up with Yeezy for some dope “Stronger” inspired ‘glovies’ with boost technology built in? In my imaginary world where gas peddles look like gear shifts, yes.



Drink Gasoline

What if…

Gasoline was edible drinkable and was sold in bars where you had to get carded to pump? Would sewage plants double as “organic” gas stations? Think about it…

Would you have to be 21 to “pump and dump” or get “gassed and smashed”?

Would “passing gas” (double entendre in this case) be considered illegal in public places? Deep.




What if…

People didn’t get angry when they were provoked but instead laughed hysterically as a reflex.. Would that turn comedians into hecklers?




What if…

By merely thinking of something, you negated it’s ability to occur.

Remember when your mom would ask you to clean your room, at the very moment you yourself had already decided it looked like a pile of sh**. The fact that she had told you to clean it when you had already begun to do so made it so that you would do it in the most crap way possible.

You’d imagine being broke but then out of reflex your imagination would place you in a swimming pool full of money but because you would have thought of both, you’d basically guarantee neither happened. You’d be adequately paid for the rest of your life. Hell.




What if…

People where paid not according to skill, or personality, or nepotism, or, heck, any arbitrary thing that determines a person’s salary – but instead they were paid according to their personality.

I can think of a FEW people who would be blacklisted for employment for their trash attitudes. Bad personalities would be frowned upon like alcoholism and people would have personality test results on their resumes.




What if…

Someone approached you with $100,000… straight cash… BUT you could ONLY use it in that next 2 minutes that you had it and it could not be deposited into a bank. Basically after 2 minutes were up it would vanish, forever.

What would you do with it? Who could you trust to help you spend it and who would believe you when you called them and told them you had 100k to spend.


You’d wast a whole minute trying to convince them you weren’t on the pills until you basically said “F*** IT, I’M GOING TO WALMART!”

Admit it, you’d try to go to Walmart and spend it. I know you would. Good lucking running them aisles in the remaining 50 seconds you have left…




What if…

You could fly for 10 seconds at a time… STUPID HIGH – kinda like this guy here. The only caveat being that you would immediately fall when your 10 seconds were up… with a cooldown that had you wait 60 seconds to regain the ability.

Would you risk it at all?



In Time

What if you knew you would die in the next few days of a debilitating illness of which there was no cure BUT you could continue to live if you found the one guy who could cure you. The only clue you received for finding him was that you had to locate a man who was “looking for you.”

Would you frantically search for him? Would you trust that he would find you? Or would you accept your fate and just die.

 To be continued…

Got any what ifs of your own?

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