In a previous piece I wrote, I talked about how I was stood up because I ignored certain “red flags” that I saw while dealing with what was essentially a lowlife—which according to Urban Dictionary is:
“A person who has no guilt over doing rotten or heinous things. If they hurt the innocent or the naive of course a lowlife will blame their victim for not being as lowlife as they are”.
It’s fair to say I’ve been dating since I was 17. It was all so simple then, and playing the field at such a young age got me hip to game early. Since then, I’ve acquired enough intel on lowlifes and how to spot them… immediately. Also, it helps you determine whether or not you want to continue to waste your time with them. Follow these signs to know if you are in fact dealing with a lowlife or just a scrub who is willing to change it all around to bag the special one.
What Is a Lowlife?
A lowlife is someone who consistently makes choices that show a complete lack of integrity, responsibility, or respect for other people. We are not talking about someone going through a rough patch, lost a job, or can’t catch a break — life happens to all of us. A lowlife is defined by patterns, not circumstances.
The difference matters. Plenty of good people are broke. Plenty of good people have made mistakes. A lowlife isn’t just dealing with bad luck — they are the bad luck. They lie when the truth would work just fine. They take from people who have nothing left to give. They dodge accountability like it’s a full-time job — and honestly, it might be the only job they’ve ever committed to.
Being a lowlife is a character issue, not a financial one. You can be flat broke and still have a code you live by. You can also drive a nice car and still be the kind of person everyone warns their friends about. If someone in your life keeps showing you who they are through selfish, dishonest, or destructive behavior — believe them. That’s not a rough season. That’s a lowlife.
Neck and face tattoos
This doesn’t include everyone with neck tats, but it does refer to a large majority. From my experience, folks with neck and face tats are known for making terrible life decisions however, they may have acquired them early in life and probably currently lead more refined lives. Earlier in life, they probably asked you for gas money or asked you to fix a plate so that they can eat it at someone else’s house or better yet stand you up on Valentine’s Day. This is a red flag I’d stay away from. Unless he’s a successful rapper (emphasis on “successful” and not just on Soundcloud with a kitchen studio in the crib) or has a gig where his uniform or collared shirt hides it, stay clear. If someone has a face that, more than likely they had no intentions of meeting your parents, your pastor, or your boss. Think long and hard before you allow yourself to be pursued by this person.
Kids they didn’t tell you about
“You’re hiding a son!” Sound familiar? Even Drake got called out for hiding a kid. If you’re dating someone who has omitted the fact that they have a kid or two–9 times out of 10, they’re a lowlife. No one in their right mind should continue dating someone who has regular omissions about their children. Kids are a blessing that not everyone has the ability to experience, so when someone decides to keep that kidbit from you, it’s definitely a character flaw. What else are they hiding? A marriage? An incurable disease? This doesn’t mean they’re terrible parents, but it’s a red flag when they fail to disclose that important information to you. Don’t allow someone to take away your right to decide whether or not you want to deal with that situation.
Anyone who smokes cigs (indoors)
Cigarette smoke is disgusting and it lingers for months—it seeps into the walls, the furniture, the carpet, and rugs. If you’re seeing someone who smokes indoors where they lay their head down, more than likely, you’re seeing a chain-smoking lowlife. These folks have zero regard for how you smell when you leave their crib, let alone how they smell when they leave their crib. It was always so weird to see folks smoking cigarettes in the house just because they simply didn’t feel like going to the patio or back porch. This red flag is a double violation—cigarette smoking and smoking indoors. Why would you want to be someplace that would leave your cute outfit smelling like a Vegas casino?
Folks who don’t tip
This is huge. I refuse to be in anyone’s pockets but my own, however, if you are seeing someone who doesn’t tip, you’re definitely dating a lowlife. Even though I’ve never worked in the hospitality business, I have close friends and family who have. They’ve expressed the frustrations of working so hard to keep their patrons happy just to earn a living wage. Unless someone is giving you subpar service (albeit server at your favorite restaurant, valet counter, food delivery, etc.) tip when you’re being waited on. Like the saying goes: People may not always remember you, but they will always remember how you made them feel and if they see your face again, they will definitely give you the coldest chicken on the grill.
Homophobes
In 2016, the US acquired a new president and most will agree that he’s not as inclusive as 44. In today’s modern society, we all must learn to adapt to our current settings and be conscious of the way we make others who may not share the same views as you. I hate to break it to you, but homosexuality isn’t going anywhere. There are folks who are living in their truth and being ridiculed for it. In 2018, if you or someone you’re dating are treating people wildly disrespectful because of their sexual orientation, you’re a certified lowlife. Homophobia usually stems from someone who is scared of what they don’t know or feel and have a level of uncertainty when they’re around someone who identifies as LGBTQ.
In my opinion, if you can’t swallow the fact that there are folks who are different amongst you, then you’re on the wrong side of history, boss. We all are breathing the same air, attending the same churches, working in the same workplaces, fight in the same military–deal with it and if you don’t have anything nice to say, just STFU and don’t say anything at all.
Poor Hygiene
I read somewhere a guy married a woman who only showered once a month. She didn’t bathe after work, after working out, not even after sex. TAKE HEED. Listen, I’ll admit, I’ve skipped a shower for a day or two–weekends, travel days, baby wipe wipe-downs aren’t baths. Baths are essential to health. Can you imagine climbing into bed with a person who still smells like outside? Think about how greasy their necks are, what could be hiding in their hair? It makes my skin crawl when I think about the stench of cheese and sweat I get when I’ve gotten a whiff of BO. Consider the amount of filth and bacteria that are transferring to your sheets and/or car seats. Bed bugs don’t magically appear people! Lowlifes bring them to the bed. If you have to ask someone to wash their a**, that’s a red flag you might want to consider.
Poor spending habits
Seen someone finance a pair of kicks? Favorite wigs? If someone has to finance items outside of cars, household appliances or home goods, education, or a HOME…they are not spending their money wisely. Again, I’m not in anyone’s pockets and this is only my opinion–your money, your business, but from my experience, dealing with folks who will pawn their Playstations for a pair of Yeezy’s, will also pawn YOUR PlayStation to get the next thing they want. If you’re wasting time with someone can’t afford to eat but CAN find the money to purchase a sack (of weed), you’re setting yourself up for failure. This will not end well, and more than likely ending with you bearing the burden of a poor credit score and the inability to create a sustainable lifestyle for yourself. A lowlife will affect your net worth if you let them.
Opportunistic qualities
Ever met someone who’s always asking about what you can do for them? Jumping into pictures for clout? For someone who is “regular-shmegular” such as myself, posing with me will NOT get you clout. However, if you find yourself dating someone who’s not that into you, but more into who you may know or who knows you, is a red flag. Do not take the time to boost someone who can’t return the favor. It’s expected that you give someone you care about support, but it can’t be one-sided. When it is, you’re being played by a leech and a moocher. If they don’t have a come-up that will help your come-up—break it off and keep it moving… unless you’re into that type of charity.
Lack of Ambition
I sometimes find myself pulling out of my driveway and seeing the same folks posted up and loitering during the week. Well, it may not be considered loitering because they’re on their own property, but they’re at the same spot every day, doing absolutely nothing. Nothing going on, nothing to do, just chilling. Could you be dealing with someone who just wants to lay around and do nothing? Ask them what they plan to do next week, next month, or even next year—if they can’t give you anything productive or specific, you’re probably seeing a professional bum. They might be great in bed, living on a trust fund, receiving a disability check, but they are not looking to change their situation in any fashion at all. Who wants to chase dreams with someone asleep at the wheel?
Related: Opting for a Platonic Roommate: Why I Did It and Why It’s the Wave
Situational poser
This is an easy one. Someone who lies about their experiences to sound cool and lies about the situation they’re in. Social media makes it so easy to make it look like you’re living your best life. Posing with bottles they haven’t paid for, posting cars they don’t own or aren’t in service, even posting condos they don’t live in. These low lives are almost everywhere. The best way to weed these lowlifes out is to probably Google their home address and check the Streetview. It doesn’t matter what you have but it does matter to the extent you go to lie about what you do have. If the lowlife you’re seeing borrowed that Gucci belt they’re posing in front of that rented 2018 X7, be aware that they might be lying about a lot more than just their lifestyle.
Lowlife vs. Toxic Person — What’s the Difference?
People use “lowlife” and “toxic” like they mean the same thing, but they don’t — and knowing the difference can save you a lot of confusion about what you’re actually dealing with.
A toxic person can be polished. They might have a great job, a wide social circle, and the ability to charm everyone in the room. Their damage is subtle — manipulation, gaslighting, emotional games that leave you questioning your own sanity. Toxic people are often high-functioning. That’s what makes them dangerous.
A lowlife, on the other hand, is usually a lot more obvious. There’s less strategy and more chaos. They’re not playing chess — they’re flipping the board and stealing pieces off the table. The lying is sloppy. The mooching is shameless. The irresponsibility isn’t hidden behind a mask; it’s right there on the surface.
Here’s where it gets interesting: a toxic person almost always knows they’re being toxic. A lowlife might genuinely have no idea. They’ve normalized their own behavior to the point where they think everyone operates this way — or worse, they think you’re the problem for expecting basic decency.
Both are worth removing from your life. But with a toxic person, you’re cutting out a surgeon who uses their skill to hurt you. With a lowlife, you’re stepping over a mess that refuses to clean itself up. Different problems, same solution: distance.
How to Deal with a Lowlife
Let’s get one thing out of the way: you are not going to fix them. That’s not pessimism — it’s experience. The number of people who’ve thought “I can help them change” and ended up drained, broke, or heartbroken is staggering. Save your energy for someone who’s actually willing to meet you halfway.
Set boundaries, and don’t apologize for them. A lowlife will test every limit you put in place, because limits are inconvenient for people who survive on other people’s generosity and patience. Say no. Mean it. Repeat as needed.
When you distance yourself, do it quietly. You don’t need a dramatic confrontation or a long explanation about why you’re pulling away. Lowlifes thrive on chaos — including the chaos of you trying to officially cut them off. Just… become less available. Respond less. Show up less. Let the silence do the talking.
Most importantly, protect your circle. Lowlifes don’t just affect you — they affect the people around you. They borrow money from your friends. They create drama at your gatherings. They drag your reputation down by association. Keeping a lowlife in your life isn’t just a personal choice; it’s a choice you’re making for everyone close to you.
Frequently Asked Questions About Red Flags and Lowlifes
Key red flags include hiding children from you, poor hygiene, lack of ambition, poor spending habits like financing sneakers or pawning items, not tipping at restaurants, smoking indoors, homophobic behavior, being opportunistic, and lying about their lifestyle on social media.
Not tipping shows a lack of empathy and consideration for others who work hard in the hospitality industry to earn a living wage. If someone cannot show basic courtesy to service workers, it reflects a deeper character flaw about how they treat people in general.
If someone cannot tell you what they plan to do next week, next month, or next year, and has nothing productive or specific to share, they may be a professional bum. Dating someone asleep at the wheel means they are unlikely to help build a sustainable lifestyle together.
Watch for people who lie about their experiences, pose with bottles they have not paid for, post cars they do not own, or show off condos they do not live in on social media. If they borrowed the Gucci belt they are posing in, they are likely lying about much more than just their lifestyle.
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