If you have a job and you’ve been thinking of ways to quit, think again. Why quit when you can get fired? Here are 10 Surefire ways to get fired.
1. Being a Big Fat Liar
Keep it 100 from the get-go. You’re the one that’ll be held responsible for all information you provide. If you decide to be ‘creative’ on your resume, just keep in mind that living with your mom may be in your future. Don’t move out just yet.
2. Broadcasting Your Job Search to the World
If you are job searching, don’t be ridiculous and send your resume and other search related correspondence from your work computer, genius! In most cases those things are monitored by IT and/or used by other
nosey curious employees. So, pretend your employers are the feds and you’re the prime suspect with 2 strikes… Don’t do anything stupid.
You never know who is listening, and in Cubeland, walls really do have eavesdropping ears. Best to play it safe and keep the juicy gossip to yourself. Don’t ever repeat anything you hear that could burn you or others. Winding up on the wrong side of the rumor mill can cost you more than somebody’s trust; it can grind your whole career into pixie sticks.
4. Chatting It Up On Personal Calls
Spending much of your work time conducting your own personal business can be productive for you but trust and believe your boss and employees are scowling at you in contempt. Better WRAP IT UP B!
5. Sippin' On That Syrup
If keeping things interesting is what you like to do, try this. While on break, have a few (like 6 or 7 or so) ‘cold ones’ and then start a conversation with the boss on a packed elevator about why you hate working on weekends and how you could run the office better than him. While your employees may think this is amusing and somewhat satisfying I can assure you at least 1 person will not be laughing (at all).
6. Surfing the Web Excessively
Spending much of your day surfing the web while at work will most likely have you spending most of your day surfing the web – for new employment. Clicking those NSFW pics of naughty kittens can get your license to cash those recurring checks revoked as well. So much for those world domination plans on company time…
7. Romancing the Boss
While it may make for great workplace gossip, a romance with the boss (albeit empowering) can easily and most assuredly end with at least one person out of a job. And to be frank, it’s usually not the boss.
8. Forgetting to Double-Check, Forgetting to Double-Check
When dealing with numbers, especially the ones with a dollar sign in front…scrutinize your work meticulously. One stray zero, decimal, comma, or dash, could make the difference between you being plus or minus a job.
9. Alienating Your Coworkers
To do your job effectively, you’ll probably need a little cooperation and support from your team or coworkers. Distancing yourself from those you work with could get you replaced by someone who actually wants to keep their job.
10. Not Self-Assessing/Being a Punk Assessor
OWN your job assignment. If you make a mistake, own up to it. Don’t try to sweep crap under a rug because it still stinks. Refrain from being a punk assessor and playing the blame game. The truth will most likely come back to bite you in the assignment. No dry snitching, chump!
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