For example, look, I know what the motivational gurus say. “The early bird gets the worm.” “Win the morning, win the day.” “Successful people wake up at 5 AM.” Cool. Good for them. In addition, but can we talk about the rest of us? The ones who hit snooze four times, argue with our alarm clocks like they personally offended us. Spend the first hour of consciousness questioning every life decision that led to this ungodly wake-up time?
In addition, getting up early isn’t just unpleasant. it’s an entire obstacle course of misery that starts the second your alarm goes off. Doesn’t let up until you’ve been conscious long enough for your brain to accept that sleep is, in fact, over. Of course, and science actually backs this up. Research on chronotypes. your body’s natural sleep-wake preference. shows that roughly 25% of people are genuine night owls whose peak cognitive performance doesn’t kick in until afternoon or evening. Forcing a night owl to function at 6 AM is like asking a fish to climb a tree. As a result, you can do it, but it won’t be pretty.
Of course, so for everyone who has ever dragged themselves out of bed before the sun came up. However, thought “this is absolute garbage,” this one’s for you. Here are the top reasons why getting up early is the worst.
Early mornings usually require skillful preparation the night before.
However, you’ll probably have to iron your knickers and peacoat for starters. Aside from a mental blueprint. You’ll also need to make sure you construct a care package of all your essentials for the next day. These essentials include (and in this order) a tortoiseshell suitcase. Wing-tip loafers and spats, a miniature umbrella, a derby hat, peanut butter, a marshmallow fluff sandwich. A snuggie.
No morning Tony Robbins to offer rise-and-shine motivation.
Also, trust me… in the real world, your boss doesn’t commend you on getting to work on time or early. Your co-workers won’t pat you on the back or tell you you’re a go-getter (well. As a result, not without sarcastic undertones and sneers through the cubicles). Your paycheck absolutely won’t reflect the painstaking planning you masterminded to prepare for the 5. 6 early mornings you encountered prior to receiving it. Aside from the occasional cliché or the lame productivity speech from the boss. You’ll have to settle for self-motivation. Notably, or you might even consider threatening yourself with the notion of being salary free… Fun!
No one is happy in the early morning hours.
Finally, what’s up with that? No one smiles or responds to your deliberate attempts to “bring the sunshine”. Forget getting a thank you for holding the door for these jerks. They’ll be on their cellphones and iPads anyway. Oh, and somehow the lady you see smoking the cig outside your office every morning still hates you because she gives you the fake smile/immediate frown when you walk by (you know the one I’m talking about). Sheesh! Talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed… and forget getting coffee because…
No stores are open.
Therefore, somehow, all of the 24 hour fast-food spots you know of seem to be ironically. Inconveniently off the beaten trail.
It’s still dark out.
As a result, when it’s still dark outside. You’re already tired it just feels like you should still be sleeping. Specifically, this unfortunate disposition turns driving a car into an amazing thrill ride of head nods and swerves.
You don’t feel like making breakfast.
In short, it’s not that you are too lazy to make it (maybe). It’s just… you don’t feel like it. You’ll probably just grab that granola bar from the pantry again. Those things work magic on your stomach… This also makes the ride to work more interesting. Nothing like being tired, hungry, and consequently. very GRUMPY. Of course, you might wanna try some happy tunes.
Television is all infomercials.
Honestly, unless you like watching re-aired sports highlights (which I know everyone does) you’re forced to watch informercial guys talk loudly. In short, repeatedly point at the screen. Trying to sell you shitty shit. Honestly, having somone repeatedly say “for only 3 easy payments of 19.99!” is not the best formula for relieving that aggravated feeling you have when you wake up. Don’t fret though, it’s only three easy payments of $19.99!
You usually can’t call and talk to anyone.
Of course you can’t… Well… Unless you want to get cursed out. Or fussed out. depending who you call. You’ll just have to suck it up. For example, cope with the fact that even though you brushed your teeth (and tongue if you’re repsponsible) your breath will stink as a result of your mouth not being able to air out all the extra stank in a good conversation.
It’s mentally and physically draining.
In fact, this makes planning your wardrobe a skill/technique worthy of an award. Better safe then sorry is always key. Above all, but those of us who live on the edge often find ourselves wet and shivering or hot and sweaty. Depending on where you live.
It’s mentally and physically draining.
Notably, nothing beats the overall defeated feeling you feel in the morning as a result of all of the aforementioned reasons combined. Finally, your body aches, your eyes are puffy and red. Your eyelids feel extra heavy. Frankly, your head feels dizzy, you have the gurgles in your stomach (a.k.a. the BGeezies), and your socks never match. Specifically, the only refuge from this oppression is prayer and hoping that tomorrow will feel better than today.
But don’t forget, at least you can get up.
The Science Behind Why Mornings Feel So Terrible
Particularly, that groggy, “I might actually be dying” feeling you experience every morning has a name: sleep inertia. It’s the transitional period between sleep and full wakefulness. In short, it can last anywhere from 15 minutes to over an hour. During this window, your cognitive performance is actually worse than if you were legally drunk. Therefore, your reaction time is shot, your decision-making is impaired. Your mood is in the gutter. Therefore, no, you’re not being dramatic when you say mornings feel like being hit by a truck. your brain is literally operating at a deficit.
Above all, cortisol, the stress hormone, also plays a role. Specifically, your body naturally produces a cortisol spike about 30 minutes after waking (called the cortisol awakening response). Which is supposed to help you feel alert. In addition, but when you’re chronically sleep-deprived. which most early risers are. that cortisol response gets blunted, leaving you in a fog that even coffee can only partially cut through. Add in the fact that most adults need 7-9 hours of sleep but average closer to 6.5, and you’ve got a population of zombies pretending to be morning people.
Are Night Owls Actually Smarter?
Meanwhile, here’s some validation for the late-night crowd: multiple studies have found correlations between evening chronotypes and higher cognitive ability. A study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found that night owls tend to score higher on inductive reasoning tests. a key component of general intelligence. Of course, another study from the University of Madrid found that night owls demonstrated greater creative thinking compared to early birds.
Furthermore, now, does this mean staying up until 3 AM watching Netflix makes you a genius? Obviously not. But it does suggest that society’s insistence on early-morning productivity doesn’t work for everyone. As a result, that the “early to bed, early to rise” mantra might be leaving a significant chunk of the population operating below their potential. Specifically, the real move isn’t waking up earlier. it’s figuring out your chronotype and designing your schedule around when your brain actually works best.
Frequently Asked Questions About Getting Up Early
The groggy, disoriented feeling after waking is called sleep inertia, a transitional state between sleep and full wakefulness that can last 15 minutes to over an hour. During this period, your cognitive performance is measurably impaired—sometimes worse than being legally intoxicated. Chronic sleep deprivation amplifies the effect.
For natural night owls, consistently waking up earlier than their biological clock prefers can lead to what researchers call ‘social jet lag’—a chronic mismatch between your internal clock and your required schedule. This has been linked to increased stress, reduced cognitive performance, higher rates of depression, and even metabolic issues. The healthiest approach is aligning your schedule with your chronotype when possible.
Several studies have found correlations between evening chronotypes and higher scores on cognitive tests, including inductive reasoning and creative thinking. However, this doesn’t mean staying up late makes you smarter—it suggests that people with naturally later sleep preferences may have certain cognitive advantages that are often overlooked in a society structured around early-morning schedules.
A chronotype is your body’s natural inclination toward sleeping and waking at certain times. The three main chronotypes are: early birds (larks) who naturally wake early and peak in the morning, night owls who function best in the evening, and hummingbirds who fall somewhere in between. Your chronotype is largely genetic and difficult to permanently change.
